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Why Forgiveness is So Hard?

Forgiveness is one of the most transformative energies we can work with in life. It has the potential to heal deep emotional wounds, mend relationships, and foster a sense of inner peace. Yet, despite its incredible power, many of us find forgiveness difficult to embrace—whether we are forgiving ourselves or others. The emotional and psychological barriers that prevent us from letting go of past hurts often feel insurmountable. Why is it so hard to forgive? And how can we truly release the pain that keeps us tethered to the past?

In this article, we’ll explore why forgiveness can be so challenging, the scientific research supporting its healing power, and simple yet profound ways to embrace forgiveness, both for ourselves and others. By incorporating forgiveness into our Reiki practice, we unlock a powerful pathway to emotional and physical well-being.

The Science of Forgiveness: Understanding its Healing Power

While forgiveness is often viewed as a spiritual or emotional practice, scientific research has increasingly demonstrated its profound impact on mental, emotional, and even physical well-being. Studies show that the act of forgiveness is not only a powerful tool for emotional healing but also has measurable effects on the body’s stress response, heart health, and overall life satisfaction. For Reiki practitioners, understanding the science behind forgiveness can help us appreciate how this energy work complements both emotional and physical healing.

1. Forgiveness Reduces Stress and Anxiety

One of the most well-documented benefits of forgiveness is its ability to reduce stress. When we hold on to negative emotions such as anger, resentment, or hurt, we activate the body’s stress response, triggering the release of cortisol and other stress hormones. Chronic stress is associated with numerous health issues, including heart disease, high blood pressure, and weakened immune function.

Research has shown that practicing forgiveness can lower cortisol levels, reducing the physiological stress response. A study published in Psychology and Health found that individuals who practiced forgiveness had lower levels of anxiety and stress and showed significant improvements in overall emotional well-being.

2. Forgiveness and Heart Health

Forgiveness is linked to improved heart health, which makes sense given that emotional strain is often tied to cardiovascular problems. Studies have found that when people hold onto grudges or harbour resentment, they experience higher blood pressure, increased heart rate, and greater cardiovascular strain. On the other hand, forgiveness has been shown to reduce blood pressure and lower the risk of heart disease.

In a study conducted by the American Heart Association, individuals who learned to forgive experienced a reduction in blood pressure and improvements in heart health. This aligns with Reiki’s focus on the heart chakra and the importance of emotional balance in promoting physical health. When we forgive, we release not just emotional blockages, but physical tension in the body as well.

3. The Psychological Benefits of Forgiveness

From a psychological perspective, forgiveness helps reduce the emotional burden associated with past hurts. he process of forgiving allows individuals to let go of negative thoughts and emotions, freeing up mental energy that can be used for growth, healing, and joy.

Research conducted by the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology revealed that individuals who practiced forgiveness experienced a significant reduction in depressive symptoms and improved emotional functioning. Forgiving others and ourselves has been associated with improved psychological well-being, greater self-esteem, and a sense of personal empowerment.

4. Forgiveness and Longevity

Interestingly, forgiveness has even been linked to increased longevity. A study published in Psychosomatic Medicine suggested that individuals who were more forgiving lived longer than those who held onto anger and resentment. The act of forgiving is believed to reduce the physiological strain associated with negative emotions, thus lowering the risk of stress-related diseases and promoting a longer, healthier life.

This research underscores the profound impact that emotional well-being has on physical health. By embracing forgiveness, we create a harmonious environment in which healing can take place.

5. Forgiveness Enhances Relationship Quality

Another benefit of forgiveness is its ability to improve the quality of our relationships. Holding on to grudges or unresolved conflict can erode trust and connection in relationships, whether with family, friends, or romantic partners. On the other hand, practicing forgiveness fosters compassion, understanding, and empathy, which are essential components of healthy relationships.

Research published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships showed that couples who practiced forgiveness were more likely to experience relationship satisfaction, lower levels of conflict, and greater intimacy. When we forgive, we create space for reconciliation and healing, allowing our relationships to flourish.

So why Forgiveness is So Hard?

Sometimes the concept of forgiveness can feel like an insurmountable task, and for good reason. Our minds, bodies, and spirits are often intricately tied to our emotions, memories, and past experiences. Negative emotions like anger, hurt, resentment, and betrayal tend to form deep energetic blocks that are difficult to release. This is why forgiveness can be so hard—it requires us to release the emotional charge attached to past wounds and to let go of the narratives that keep us stuck in a cycle of pain.

Ego and Self-Protection: The ego, which serves as our sense of self and our protector, often keeps us locked in defensive patterns. When we feel hurt or wronged, the ego may cling to anger or resentment because it perceives these emotions as a shield against further harm. We may feel that if we forgive, we are somehow condoning or excusing the wrong that was done to us. The truth, however, is that forgiveness is not about excusing behavior—it’s about freeing ourselves from the energy that keeps us chained to the past.
Fear of Vulnerability Forgiveness also requires a level of vulnerability. When we forgive, we allow ourselves to release the guard we’ve built around our hearts, which can be a terrifying process. The fear of being hurt again or the fear of being seen as “weak” can hold us back from embracing forgiveness. In truth, forgiveness is a strength, not a weakness. It takes great courage to release old wounds and step into a space of healing and unconditional love.
Unhealed Past Trauma: Deep wounds from childhood, past relationships, or traumatic experiences often create energetic imprints that make it difficult to forgive. Unhealed trauma can manifest as an ongoing emotional burden, and until we address and process these wounds, the concept of forgiveness remains out of reach. Reiki can be an incredibly helpful tool in clearing these blocks, but it requires time and patience to heal the deep-seated pain that makes forgiveness feel impossible.
The Perception of Justice: Many people hold the belief that justice must be served before they can forgive. They feel that forgiving would be unjust or that it would allow the wrongdoer to “get away” with their actions. In reality, holding on to the need for justice can keep us tethered to anger, resentment, and negative energy. The idea that we must forgive only after justice has been done creates an expectation that forgiveness is a transactional process—something we give only after a particular condition is met. True forgiveness, however, is a gift we give to ourselves, regardless of external circumstances.
The Importance of Self-Forgiveness: Sometimes, the most difficult forgiveness is the one we must offer ourselves. We often carry guilt or shame over past mistakes, decisions, or actions. This self-judgment creates an energetic block that prevents us from fully healing. Self-forgiveness is essential for personal growth and the ability to love ourselves unconditionally.

Embracing Forgiveness in Reiki

In Reiki, we understand that energy is everything. Our thoughts, emotions, and actions are all forms of energy that interact with the world around us. When we hold onto negative emotions such as anger or resentment, we create energetic blocks that can affect our health, relationships, and overall well-being. The practice of forgiveness allows us to release these blocks and clear the path for healing energy to flow freely.

So, how can we embrace forgiveness in our Reiki practice? Here are a few simple ways to start:

1. Use Reiki to Heal the Emotional Body

When we are struggling with forgiveness, we can use Reiki to clear and balance our emotional energy. Focus on clearing and balancing the heart and sacral chakras to promote emotional well-being. Place your hands on the heart chakra or sacral chakra (or any area where you feel the emotional block) and channel Reiki to these energy centres. Allow the energy to flow into the emotional body, helping to dissolve the negative emotions that are tied to past wounds. Visualize the energy of forgiveness as a light, gently washing away the pain and opening your heart to love.

2. Practice Self-Forgiveness

Self-forgiveness is an essential part of any Reiki practice. If you are struggling with guilt or self-blame, take time during your Reiki session to send healing energy to yourself. Affirmations like “I forgive myself,” “I release all guilt,” and “I am worthy of love and compassion” can be powerful tools for shifting the energy and healing the emotional body. Reiki will support this process by helping to release any stagnant energy and create a sense of peace within.

3. Invoke the Ho’oponopono Prayer

One of the most powerful and transformative tools for forgiveness is the Hawaiian practice of Ho’oponopono. This ancient healing practice focuses on restoring harmony and balance through the practice of repentance, forgiveness, and gratitude. The Ho’oponopono mantra is simple yet deeply powerful:

“I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.”

These words are directed towards the self, others, and the universe as a whole. Ho’oponopono reminds us that forgiveness is not just about letting go of anger—it’s about accepting responsibility for the energy we’ve contributed to the situation and seeking to restore harmony. In a Reiki session, you can repeat these words silently or aloud while channeling healing energy. By doing so, you align yourself with a state of love, gratitude, and forgiveness, helping to release any lingering negativity.

If you would like to find out more about Ho’oponopono and how you can integrate this healing practice into your Reiki sessions, we have a brand new course Ho’oponopono Reiki which offers step-by-step guidance on fusing Ho’oponopono into your Reiki sessions and personal practice, helping you unlock its full potential for healing and harmony.

Click here to find out more about Ho’oponopono Reiki now!

4. Use Reiki to Forgive Others

Forgiveness is not always easy when we’ve been hurt by others. But the act of forgiving others is one of the most powerful ways to release ourselves from emotional bondage. During a Self Reiki session, focus on the person you are struggling to forgive. Visualize them surrounded by light, and send healing energy to their heart. Repeat the Ho’oponopono prayer for them, and allow the energy to shift both your perception of the person and your emotional attachment to the situation. This process helps release any energetic ties that bind you to the past and opens the door for healing.

5. Use the Emotional Healing Symbol

When working on forgiveness and emotional healing, the Emotional Healing Symbol (Sei HeiKi) is a powerful tool. This symbol helps balance emotions, release trauma, and bring harmony to the mind and heart.

Forgiveness as a Path to Healing

Forgiveness is a deeply personal and often challenging process, but it is also one of the most powerful acts of self-love and healing we can undertake. By embracing forgiveness, we create space for growth, peace, and vitality. Reiki can support this transformative journey, helping to release emotional blocks and clear the path for love and healing to flow freely.

If you’re ready to dive deeper into the practice of forgiveness and want to explore the transformative power of Ho’oponopono, I invite you to join my new course on this powerful Hawaiian healing method. In this course, we’ll dive into how Ho’oponopono can help you release old wounds, clear energetic blocks, and step into a life of unconditional love and forgiveness.

Forgiveness is not a destination but a continuous journey. Let Reiki and Ho’oponopono guide you on this healing path.

Note of Gratitude

I would like to express my heartfelt gratitude to the Hawaiian people for their rich tradition of Ho’oponopono, which embodies the spirit of forgiveness, healing, and reconciliation. Special thanks to Morrnah Nalamaku Simeona and Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len for their dedication to sharing this profound practice with the world. Their work has not only transformed lives but has also fostered a deeper understanding of interconnectedness and compassion. I am truly grateful for the wisdom and service that the Hawaiian culture offers to all of humanity.

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